Guiding Children to Full Participation in the Mass
by Kirste Moline (and the many brilliant and insightful women of
the St. Thomas a Becket MOMs group)
The St.
Thomas a Becket MOMs group was asked to ponder several important questions
regarding how parents can guide children to full participation in the Mass. The
catalyst for this discussion was a request by Patricia Danks, the Family Life
Counselor, to outline appropriate behavior in Mass, as well as appropriate use
of the cry room and Gathering Space during Mass.
I broke this larger concept down
to narrower questions and posted the these questions to the email list of the
St. Thomas a Becket MOMs group, currently 135 members strong. So many people
responded with thoughtful, insightful, and diverse comments that it became
apparent that consolidating them into one small article would be denying
parishioners access to the collective wisdom, the thoughtful insights, and the
diverse opinions of the group. As a result, you will find the full comments
below, edited only for spelling and with all identifying information removed.
Here were the questions we
considered:
- How
should the cry room be used?
- What
are appropriate distraction items to bring for kids in church? What crosses
the line?
- How
should the Gathering Space be used during Masses?
- What
strategies have you found to be successful in bringing your kids to Mass and
keeping them involved?
- What’s
your feeling about the children’s bulletin and how it should be used?
- Food
and/or drinks in church – what’s OK? What’s not?
- At
what age should kids be fully participating in the Mass like adults (no
drawing, children’s bulletins, etc.)?
Below are our answers,
grouped by question.
How should the cry room be
used?
- I think it should be used as a temporary
spot to take a crying baby until they are able to settle down and return to
Mass.
- I avoid the Cry Room because I feel it is a
free for all with kids just playing and adults unable to hear what is going
on. My kids are not learning to behave at Mass in there, much the opposite,
I feel!
- I think it should be a place to take your
child when they act up in church. NOT a place to sit every week. If you are
taking your children, they should be expected to "behave" in church. I'll
get to my personal views of children in church later.
- I feel it should be used for children
primarily under 2 that are disruptive to those around them by crying (hence, "cry room"). The few times that I tried to duck into one when my daughter
was younger (because she was crying), it was like a play room! I was pretty
appalled by it! Kids were running around, jumping off of chairs, and the
mess that was left after Mass was over... unbelievable.
- I think the cry room should be used for
crying. It's a place to take you child for a "time-out" from the church
atmosphere. I'm really not in favor of them running around and playing in
there. It's a place to "practice" good church behavior.
- I think the cry room is a place for people
to take their kids when they do not feel that they will keep quiet in
church. A 2 year old however does not understand what our version of quiet
is so I guess on that one I would say if they are talking in the cry room,
no big deal.
-
Personal
Experience: When my son was a baby (18 months and younger), we
would come to church and immediately sit in the cry room.
Reason:
We were petrified our son might make a peep and disturb others around us
(or across the church).
Reality:
He was quite good in church and there were only a few times in which my
husband actually removed him from the cry room because we thought he
might be disturbing others IN THE CRY ROOM! Thinking back on this,
isn't that what the room is actually intended for?
Personal
Experience: When our son was around 18 months, we entered the cry
room as usual one Sunday only to sit behind a couple who had a child
who was around 4 or 5 years of age. He had a sucker in his mouth (this
was the 10:00 a.m. Mass) and he was terribly obnoxious throughout the
whole service. When my husband and I got in the car after Mass was
over, we looked at each other and both immediately agreed that going
forward we would not be sitting in the cry room anymore. We thought
that in order to teach our child how to "behave" in church, it would be
better for him to see how the majority of the people in church (not in
the cry room) behave. From that day forward, we have sat amongst the
masses.
- I feel that the cry room should be a place
for young children/babies who are either too young to know how to stay quiet
during Mass or who are having one of those days. I do not feel it should be
a playroom for running around and playing games - that's what the nursery is
for. Personally I hated the cry room because too often it became a play
room for kids, with not much praying going on. I tried to use it as a place
I could teach my kids how to behave in church, knowing that other parents
would understand that they were still learning.
- I would only use the cry room if my child
was "crying". Or perhaps, making a great deal of talking, or learning to
talk, noises and they were too young to understand the term "quiet".
- The cry room should be used to settle upset
babies and toddlers. It should also be used when teaching toddlers how to
sit nicely or try to observe if you think your child is well behaved enough
to sit in the main church. It is not a place to let your children run free,
wait for a cell phone call, or eat your fast food!
- The cry room should be used the same as the
rest of the church. Children should be expected to behave just like they
were in the rest of the church. I would expect some louder noise from babies
and toddlers.
- I think the cry room should be somewhere to
take your fussy child, hopefully he/she calms down that you take her back
into the church. When my boys were younger, I had to utilize the cry room
sometimes, I found it to be a socialization area for the adults that
frequent there often. I also found it to be extremely noisy, a place where
parents took their kids and the children played. Sometimes I felt/feel the
cry room is abused and is not used for its main purpose.
- It seems some days the cry room is used very
appropriately and I enjoy sitting in there for Mass but if our son is
sleeping or not fussy we sometimes sit out with the congregation due to the
noise level and not being able to hear Mass in the cry room. I have enjoyed
the area next to the far cry room because it seems kid friendly but still
rather quiet.
- The cry room should be an area to bring a
fussy child, regardless of age, so that he/she can calm down a bit before
returning to Mass. It also strikes me as a "training wheels" area for
toddlers who are too young to understand how to be quiet and for children of
any age who might have trouble in the main church area. People in the
cry room should sit, stand, and sing as if they were in Mass so that the
kids see good behavior being modeled. Wandering toddlers or infants
don't bother me, but running, banging, shouting, etc. are inappropriate.
Even wandering kids should be encouraged to sit in their seats in the cry
room for longer and longer periods of time. The same rules for toys
and food that parents would observe if they were sitting in the second row
of the center section should apply to the cry room.
-
I also feel that the cry
room is used inappropriately. Maybe if it were re-named the "mass training"
room it could be better utilized. It could be a place for parents with
children under 3 to sit and train their little one to sit through mass.
Crying and disruptive kids could be taken to the gathering space to cool
down. The current cry room is not an option for me because I do not think
my kids will learn how to act in mass in there, and I can't hear what is
going on. A mass training room would be an excellent option for me or
anyone else in my situation.
What are appropriate
distraction items to bring for kids in church? What crosses the line?
- Ummm....my true feelings? Nothing is appropriate -
either bring the little ones and teach them to pay attention or don't bring
them at all.
- I don't allow my kids to do much of anything but draw
in the bulletin and rarely eat a snack (which I then spend time after Mass
having to clean up-but it keeps my 2 year old quiet during Mass).
- If you must, a small sticker book for children too
young to do the "kids bulletins" that the church provides. My son does the
exercises offered in church as well as a color Mass supplement he gets at
Good Counsel every week. Both attempt to bring the Mass to his comprehension
level. Anything but anything that makes noise is inappropriate.
Electronic distractions - Gameboys, iPods, etc have no place in church.
- I've seen parents (and myself have done) who bring a
coloring book and crayons, and perhaps a few toys that don't make noise to
help distract their child during Mass. Some parents (again, myself included)
have provided a snack as well, HOWEVER, it drives me nuts when the parents
don't clean up the stray cheerios or whatnot. I've been seen crawling under
chairs to retrieve the mess - I brought it in, and shouldn't leave there.
- We go for the quiet ones. I like the idea of
religious books (big, colorful ones for young kids). They only get to look
at them during Mass. Coloring, I think is okay. Usually, we just let our son
pick a toy that we think will be quiet enough. Noisy toys cross the line.
- I think books and coloring items are definitely OK
for church but nothing that makes noise. Save those things for home. If they
want to bring a little toy that is special to them I don't think that is a
problem either.
-
Appropriate Items
- Books
(reading; coloring, but skip the box of 64 crayons and just bring a few;
activity books)
- Snacks
and/or drink in sippy cup for younger kids or bottle for babies;
Qualifying comment - the parents should be very cognizant of where each
morsel of snack goes and pick up after the child(ren).
- Blanket
- Small
stuffed animal/doll/toy
Crossing
the line
Anything
with noise (toys/books that make noise)
Any food
that can't be picked up with ease off the floor
Drinks
outside a sippy cup (e.g., juice boxes)
Personal
Experience: I did bring snacks and a sippy cup into church for my
son up until about 2 months ago. Part of the reason was because we were
typically going to church during his snack time. Working around snacks,
naps, etc. can be challenging and I understand the need to have some of
these items on hand. As of a couple months ago, I thought that he
should be old enough to go without drink/snack for an hour or so and he
actually didn't make a fuss about not having anything to eat or drink.
Again, my paranoia may have prolonged the feeling of needing to have a
snack or drink on hand.
- Any small, non-noisemaking toys or books that can be
contained within the family's seating area is OK.
-
Appropriate distraction items means, to me,
anything that doesn't make noise itself and keeps the child quiet and
occupied. And I know that portable game devices do this with the volume
turned off, but I feel if the child is old enough to maneuver this than
he/she is old enough to participate and listen during Mass. That would
definitely be crossing the line for me.
- Distractions vary with the age of the child. No
toy/distraction should be loud or noisy. Books are a great distraction as
well as small noiseless (no batteries) toys. We allow our 2 year old books
and small cars to keep himself entertained in his seat.
- We try to bring religious items such as Christian
coloring books. Sometimes, my daughter brings one of her dolls because she
likes to teach her dolls about God. Most quiet toys are ok to bring to
church. An mp3 player and any gaming system crosses the line, in my opinion.
- I feel a children's Bible or some kind of
religious activity book are good distraction items. What crosses the line
are children that come in with back packs filled with crayons, markers,
coloring books and action figures.
-
For our family appropriate
distractions (and yes we still bring them occasionally) can be almost
anything that does not make noise and distract other people:-dolls, paper
and crayons, book, food, etc
- Religious themed books, the children's
bulletin, or blank paper and crayons are great distractions. A few
small toys that don't make noise are appropriate when kids are younger, so
long as they can be contained in the parents seating area and don't disturb
other people. (Come to think of it, not disturbing other people is my
general rule for most anything in church.)
How should the Gathering
Space be used during Masses?
What
strategies have you found to be successful in bringing your kids to Mass and
keeping them involved?
- Well, you know my methods .........
threats and loss of privileges for poor behavior.
- My mother tells me I expect too much out
of my kids (which generally makes me break a sweat 5 minutes into Mass
and want to crawl under a rock, so we don't go often enough).
- We generally discuss the Mass readings
before church and talk to our son about what they are trying to tell us.
Naturally, he gets the same talk at Good Counsel, so he's pretty
on-board most weeks. Our smaller children do not attend Mass. I'll get
into that later.
- As our daughter has gotten older, we no
longer allow her to bring as many toys, and she may pick 1 snack. We
encourage her to stand when we do, to say good morning and Peace at the
appropriate times and are currently working on how to do the sign of the
cross. Granted, she's not quite 3 years old, but she has much better
church manners than many others that are older than her.
- Sitting closer to the front and
explaining what's going on to them. Accepting their limited
attention-span and not expecting too much. Giving a reward after church
for good behavior (yes... our son gets a sprinkle donut afterwards). But
in general, if there's something he wants to do that Sunday, I find
myself telling him that good church behavior is necessary for that
certain something.
-
Occasionally pointing out what was going on during the Mass (e.g.,
"Now we are going to sing a song"; or "Now Fr. Pat is going to read
a story from the Gospels."). I try to be as quiet as possible by
whispering directly into my son's ear. Fortunately, my son is an
observer and now one of his favorite things to do at home is imitate
what goes on at church. I'm crossing my fingers that this intense
observation and interest will last!
- I try to sit near the front where they can see
what is going on. I also try to quietly explain what's happening,
especially if they show any interest at all. For example, we talk about
the different colors of the vestments and how the church is decorated
differently at different times. I have also bought my kids Mass
coloring books and colorful children's Missals, so they can follow along
in their own book, and as a way to start discussions about Mass.
-
A couple of strategies we have found
that works is where we sit in church and having him help and
participate when he can at his age. For instance, we make a point
to sit close enough to the front so he can see what's happening and
we always sit him on the end which allows him to see. When the
collection baskets come around we allow him to place our envelope in
and we have him hold our hands during The Lord's Prayer.
- We have story time at home to listen to books and
then tell our son that it is story time during the readings. We also
practice whispering so that he will know what we mean when we ask him to
whisper at church.
- I have found that sitting close to the front or
close to the choir to be effective with our children. We try to choose a
Mass that my children have the best chance of success. (We try not to go
to Mass when they would normally nap, for example.)
- We used Bible picture books and
religious activity books and a FEW crayons. We let the boys use the
children's bulletin up onto they made their First Communion, if they
would like to use it, they bring it home and complete it.
-
Our daughter still
gets rewarded for good behavior in Mass. Sitting still for most of her
young life has been a near impossible request for her. Usually I'll
have mints or gum and let her know I have 4 or 5 pieces to share with
her over the day (not during Mass) but I will take some away for
inappropriate behavior (inappropriate behavior may be different for
different families but she knows what we expect). If she participates,
singing and making the sign of the cross, saying the "Our
Father" etc she may earn/earn back an extra piece or two. When she was
littler she'd get Cheerios or Apple Jacks during the Mass as we made it
through each part of Mass. Sometimes it's just you do what you need to
do in church and you earn a privilege at home i.e. movie, friend over,
etc. or lose that privilege for inappropriate behavior. Age limits for
full participation in Mass are impossible to set only because normal
child development especially before 3rd grade is so varied! Attention
span and ease of distraction is different for each child. Our daughter
will be making her First Communion this year and we are working on
increasing her level of participation but it is much more difficult for
her than it was for her older sister.
- I am a little nervous with taking our son to Mass
as he gets older so I am excited to read people's suggestions. I have
heard some say they don't go to Mass because their children don't get
anything out of it and they spend the whole time trying to get them to
sit down quietly. I am trying to figure out a way to make this easier
and more productive!
- I saw a father explain the Mass to his son which
made me happy because I find the Catholic Mass very challenging for
children to grasp.
- Beyond pretty broad conceptual ideas, I don't
think that young children really "get" the Mass until they are
developmentally ready. However, the routines do stay with them
(standing, sitting, order of things) and our excellent music program
definitely helps! Open the hymnals to the appropriate songs and
follow the words with your finger, even before your kids can read.
The children's bulletin teaches valuable concepts in a kid appropriate
way. Globally, I think that if you treat Mass as a pesky chore,
your kids will pick up on that idea. If you show that you feel joy
about going to Mass, your kids will think there's a reason to be joyful
there. One great way to affect behavior is to model the behavior
you want your kids to use. WE NEED A CHILDREN'S MASS.
What’s your feeling
about the children’s bulletin and how it should be used?
- To read together before Mass begins or when
you get home.
- It's a great resource to bring the Mass down
to the level of a reading child.
- Ok, so I'm oblivious... I didn't know there
was a children's bulletin. LOL.
- I would like our son to color it, but he has
no interest in that. I don't see anything wrong with kids going through it
and coloring it. Although, I think it'll only hold their attention for so
long.
- I think the children's bulletin is more for
older children that can read and write and not so much for the little kids.
-
My son
isn't really old enough to do the activities in it yet, but at this
point I would say that the children's bulletin is a good idea. It is
sometimes dreadfully hard to give a full hour of attention to something
that you may not really understand when you know that your new geotrax
set is waiting for you at home. If a child spends some of the Mass time
doing the activities in the children's bulletin, then let them. Not
knowing exactly what the children's bulletin contains, I would guess
that there is some type of theme/message pertaining to the service that
week. It would be nice if the parent's discussed it with their children
after Mass as well....so they at least "get the message."
- My kids love the children's bulletin. If we
arrive soon enough, I will sometimes read the story of the Gospel to them.
They usually finish it before Mass starts. But if they want to work on it
throughout Mass, I think that's fine.
-
To be honest with you, I didn't even know
there was a children's bulletin! I'll have to check that one out.
- No experience here yet!
- We don't use it yet, but my nieces and
nephews do. They enjoy it.
-
The children's bulletin in
my mind is there to teach and entertain your child in what ever means is
appropriate for their age. Color it, fold it, read it, do the puzzles, fan
themselves, play peak a boo etc. We take it home and go through it now that
our daughter is older and sometimes let her know what parts coincide with
what readings during Mass but it is not enough to keep her focused on what's
being said in the moment (almost there but not quite yet). It is easier for
her to think about it at home or in the car without all the distractions. So
if it's being abused at church it does not mean it is not being used at home
or later. No age limit on the bulletin. If it helps a child focus on the
readings and understand what is being said then by all means do the
puzzles! The point is to get the message not be a zombie and sit still and
be quiet and yet not hear/understand.
- I adore the children's
bulletin. I have found that the message stays with my daughter long
after we leave Mass. We experimented with two different strategies.
One was having her just sit and listen. One was having her use the
bulletin during the Liturgy of the Word and then follow the Mass from then
on. We found that the children's bulletin was extremely helpful in
helping her to learn the Gospel concept being presented. I think it
goes to that old axiom that people remember what they do far better than
what they hear. I also think there's an important distinction between
being quiet and actually listening. If the children's bulletin helps
get the message across, I'm all for it!
Food and/or
drinks in church – what’s OK? What’s not?
- None, none, none.....ever! It's only an
hour for goodness sake!
- Formula for infants is about the only food I
would allow in church. It's just an hour. An older child can survive without
food or drink for that long. If it's a distraction for the child, the
parents should consider what the child is getting out of Mass...
- In general, I say its a big no-no, but
having been there, sometimes its a necessity. As for food, I say dry,
non-sticky items (and clean up your mess before you leave!!!!) As for
drinks, it should be in a container that does not spill. Our maintenance
crew does a fantastic job keeping up with the day to day necessities, and it
shouldn't need to be said that its polite (and respectful to others) to
clean up after yourself. Accidents happen, but there is no need to be rude
about it.
- A bottle is okay for babies, I think. Other
then that, I'm not sure they're necessary. They can be loud and messy and to
be honest, they never did much for my son.
- I think all drinks should be in sippy
cups that do not leak. I also think it is ok to bring little snacks for them
as long as you clean them up afterward.
- Snacks
and/or drink in sippy cup for younger kids or bottle for babies; Qualifying
comment - the parents should be very cognizant of where each morsel of snack
goes and pick up after the child(ren).
- I'm probably in the minority, but I do not think
there should be any food or drink at Mass beyond the bottle/nursing stage. Unless there is some sort of medical reason, I think that even toddlers can
go 1 hour without eating and drinking.
- I think we allowed our son a drink during
Mass until about age 2, now we don't bring one at all, unless he were to
have a pretty bad cough that is subdued by a drink of water. And then the
cup must be a non-spill sippy cup.
- A sippy cup of milk or water makes sense for a
toddler as does a bottle for a baby. Small snacks for children under 2 also
makes sense as they often eat 3 meals a day and 2 snacks in between sleeping
and naptimes. Snacks ought to be easy to clean and healthy. Our weaning plan
from food and snacks was to eliminate snacks around age 2 and drinks by 3.
- Some of this depends on the kid. We only bring water
and only for children under 3. We bring it in a sippy cup so that there can
be no spills. We have brought cheerios or crackers for our 1 year old
children who seem to never stop eating at that age.
-
Personally I don't think children need
food/drink during Mass. Yes, babies may need their bottles and toddlers
maybe some Cheerios, but I feel after the age of two, they can wait an
hour until they have something to eat or drink.
-
Food and drink is a must
especially for people with babies/toddlers. Parents need to clean up after
themselves though. I think it's wrong to leave piles of Cheerios behind or
juice stains, or sticky chairs. Bring sippy cups and wipes!
- Bottles are always okay.
Spill-proof cups of milk, water or juice are fine for young children.
The only food should be small, silent, and not sticky (e.g., Cheerios or the
veggie puffs). Parents should ALWAYS pick up all food dropped and
should look under their chairs, on the back of their seats, and on the floor
around them to catch any errant food.
-
I use snacks and drinks
during mass not because my kids will starve if I don't feed them, but if
they have something in their mouths they will be quiet.
At what age should kids be
fully participating in the Mass like adults (no drawing, children’s bulletins,
etc.)?
- When you can stand on your own two feet,
stand up and sit down when appropriate and you better be saying the prayer
by the time you make your First Communion
- Once they can fully participate and
understand without the bulletin. That will vary by child, but I would expect
full participation by 4th or 5th grade. We don't let our children color,
though. Just a pencil and the bulletin.
- This really depends on each family and what
the family instills in the child/ren. To "fully" participate, that is going
to take a lot of time memorizing and whatnot, I haven't been there so I
don't know. Maybe 10-12? To reasonably participate (sit quietly, do good
mornings, peace, sign of the cross, stand up) I'd say 5-6. Again, I'm not
sure because I haven't gotten there yet, but we're working on it because we
feel its important that our daughter participate and behave appropriately
during Mass.
- I think this is a question that only the
parents of the child can answer. Mom & Dad need to figure out when their kid
is ready for this. And the sooner the better. "Rome wasn't built in a day",
however, parents get in their comfort zones and let their kids stay in their
comfort zones longer then necessary sometimes.
- I think after kids make their First
Communion, they should probably be participating in church. They are usually
around 8 at that time and I think they can do that for an hour.
- Without
experience, I am hoping that my son will fully participate in the Mass by
around age 8. 6 if I'm lucky.
- I think this varies widely. Some kids might be ready
as early as 9 or 10 and others not until 12 or 13. As the mom of 2 special
needs kids, I am quite aware of differences among children's abilities.
Most people looking at my kids would not be able to tell a difference, but
they have multiple cognitive, attention and learning issues which makes Mass
a challenge for them. I would like to caution people not to judge too
quickly or too harshly. At ages 6, 8, and 9 I encourage my kids to sit and
stand and pray with the community as much as they are able. Some days this
is too much, so I let them read or color quietly. Mass should be an
uplifting, family experience, so I think we have to make an effort to make
it a good experience for them. We need to welcome children into the
community and make them feel at home there.
- Well, that's hard for me to answer, because
I'm not there yet, but if I were to guess, 5 seems realistic to me.
- A year before making their First Communion, children
should be able to fully participate in Mass. Assuming most children do this
in the spring of 2nd grade, they should be fully participating by the end of
1st/start of 2nd grade. Sooner would be even better, but before First
Communion seems almost mandatory.
- I believe that when children receive their First
Communion, they should be fully participating. But, that is the rule for our
family. And, I am aware that statement may not be true for every child. But,
for the most part, if children are old enough and ready to receive their
First Communion, they are old enough and ready to fully participate.
- Second grade.
-
I have sat behind a
teenager at our old parish who would lay his head on the back of the pew and
stare and be just weird (I could hardly kneel because he was bent so far
backward). So what could his mom have done especially if she was desperate
just to have him there? You can't pass judgment...it could have been a huge
step for that boy and his mom, just to get him to church. It was a huge
bummer for me because I was at Mass without children and was looking forward
to a distraction free hour of worship...no such luck. If you have a teen
like that maybe the cry room is the best choice until they choose to behave
more age appropriately?
- Children's developmental timetable is so unique that
each parent knows the answer to this question regarding his/her child.
Some children may be ready much more quickly than others. For some,
even participating fully for part of the Mass would be a huge victory.
This is why I have such trouble with the Church's approach to do sacraments
based on your grade in school and not based on your conceptual development
and individual readiness. I also think that we should also reserve
judgment about others' behavior unless it's clearly over the line. It's impossible to know what challenges that child might have or how
exhausted his/her mother might be.
Other Comments:
- So..............you asked for our opinions. These
are mine and they are the rules in our family. I would never impose my own
rules on another family but I do think that there needs to be a serious
tightening of the ship (so to speak) where kids' behavior in Mass is
concerned. I feel very strongly about the coloring, the food and the
gathering area (even I have been known to bend a little on the full
participation:-) I think somehow all of that behavior takes away from the
reverence. It seems very lacking at STAB sometimes.
-
I hope this helps you, and that you get a good
response to be able to compile all the data. I know a lot of the
questions are opinionated, and I think the church could benefit from
asking some parishioners that do not bring children to church (either
don't have any or they are grown adults) to get their perception of this
as well. Parents have different views than those who don't have children
(or its been a long time since they had kids that age). I'm probably not
as annoyed by some of the behavior that goes on as those who don't have
little ones with them.
-
Qualifier: My comments and feedback are based on my and my husband's
relatively strict upbringing and my experience with one child who is almost
2. I start this with a qualifying comment because I know that different
ages and number of kids add varying complexities and dimensions to which I
have no experience or expertise.
- I agree there needs to be a children's mass and other activities geared
toward age appropriate learning. I found the comments about learning to
tune out interesting too since it seems so many people do that. Hopefully,
people will all find they get something out of mass or any service by
realizing it may only be a small pearl of wisdom but that is OK too because
there is a reason for everything. I hope people become less judgmental and
realize that God's love touches people in many different ways. I have found
that the Catholic community can be more unforgiving of behavior because of
the traditions that do encourage strong families. Unfortunately, for those
of us who come from a more abusive or dysfunctional experience, this can
create more pain by being judged, feeling unworthy and unwelcome. I loved
the comment about the teen...perhaps it is a small step in the right
direction and will take time to soften their heart. Isn't it amazing how
the Spirit transforms and changes our convictions.
-
This information was very
helpful for me. I have 2 children under the age of 3, my husband works
weekends so that leaves me to take my kids to mass by myself. I rarely make
it there, because it is so difficult to try to keep two little ones under
control in mass by myself.
-
I am surprised by how many
people had so may negative coments about kids behavior in mass. STAB does
not have a very good nursery to offer people with children under 3. I
checked it out. The staff is great, however there are plenty of safety
hazards including many broken toys, and toys with small parts not
appropriate for children under 3. Not to mention the children over 3 in the
under 3 nursery that could easily run my little one over. I do not feel
comfortable leaving my 1-year-old in there. Maybe I'm not alone, maybe this
is part of the cry room and gathering space problem. An infant nursery
would be a excellent option for me and others in my situation.
- On a positive note I want to thank you for
asking for others' opinions. I feel the same way you do that I am not
worthy to tell others how to parent their children in church, mainly because
some ways of parenting just doesn't work for certain types and behaviors of
some children. Different approaches have to be taken.
- I would like to congratulate every parent who brings
children to Mass. It takes a lot of effort! Jesus did say, "Let the children
come to Me."
- I grew up attending Mass twice a week (once as a part
of school and once on Sunday) and both included services specifically
designed for children. I find this is a part of St. Thomas a Becket
that is sadly deficient. The Youth Mass is a huge step in the right
direction, but it is aimed more toward middle and high school students. It would be nice to have a Children's Mass at one of the regular Mass times,
even if we only start once a month.
- Here's where I get controversial. I don't think young
children should attend Mass. It's not for young children. They don't get
anything out of it. I wish the Catholic church would get on board with a
children's service. It would be a great way for our children to be fully
involved in the celebration of Mass.
- Our son is attending Mass regularly for the first time
this school year as he prepares for his First Communion. I'm not sure he's old
enough yet, to be honest, but if he's going to receive First Communion with his
peer group, he should be regularly attending Mass.
- I didn't attend Mass regularly until I received my First
Communion (late) at age 12. At that age, I was mature enough to sit through the
Mass and understand what was going on. I didn't need distractions, I could sit
still for 1 hour and not distract anyone else, either. I deeply enjoy Mass to
this day and listen intently to the homily. With luck, it speaks to me and I go
home recharged for the coming week (happens much more often with specific
priests, but that's not the issue at hand).
- Now, my husband and his sisters were taken to Mass every
week from their baptism. Rain or shine, they sat for one hour through the Mass
every weekend. They were allowed distractions while young, but not after their
First Communion. Both admit that they struggle to pay attention at Mass. They
learned years ago to let their mind wander during Mass. One makes her mental
list of "things to do" every week during Mass. When questioned, she rarely
remembers what the readings were even about, much less where they came from in
the bible. She even goes so far as to say that this "tuning out" occurred
in school, too. Whenever she was uninterested in the lesson, she would go into
"Mass mode" and tune out. Not a skill I want to hone in my children.
- The other has gone one step further and doesn't attend
Mass. She says she doesn't get anything out of it and she would rather sleep.
- My husband even admits it took him a long time to look at
the Mass not as a chore to be executed every week, but a celebration with our
faith community. I truly wish everyone would see it that way.
- When I EM, I choose to minister blood rather than body.
Why? Because the people receiving the Blood of Christ are more engaged in the
Mass. They aren't the ones "going through the motions." I often get
frustrated with the mumbled "amen" or blank looks I see when I minister Body.
How many of our children have we taught to be there only in body, not in spirit?
- I don't judge people who take their small children to
Mass. Some of my best friends do. Everyone is parenting the best way they know
how. Maybe their children are getting something out of the Mass. I just
know in my heart that if we took our whole clan to Mass with us, it would
diminish the experience for the adults and would have limited impact on our
children. We might even diminish the experience for the people around us.
Back to the St. Thomas a Becket MOMs group